Smaller Clothes.. :)

My pants are getting too big :) I love saying that. Even my husband has noticed and told me it's time to get some new jeans. I went to Old Navy and could fit really nicely into a 20 and just a LITTLE uncomfortable into an 18. Considering I started out in a 24, that's nice to me. This morning the shirt I put in was actually a little loose on me when it used to be almost skin tight. Now that my clothes are starting to hang off of me, I can tell I've lost some weight. So that is nice motivation to keep going! My first doctors visit I was at 254, this morning I weighed in at 227. So thats 27 lbs. I can't wait to go see my Ob/Gyn (who ever says that?!) so he can see I've lost almost 30 lbs since I've last seen him at my 6 weeks post op from having Scarlett. BUT, I dont know when I'm going to see him so maybe I'll lose even more by then! My goal was to be at 230 by the new year, but I've already past that! Yay! Doing the happy dance! When I got my first fill on 11/16 the scale at the dr said 234, so thats 7lbs down in not even 2 whole weeks! WOW! I'm loving my band! :)

Living Low Carb

Well, I have PCOS which means I am insulin resistant. Which means no matter what I have to live the Low Carb lifestyle to lose weight. I'm sure the band will help me  but either way if I dont eat low carb I dont think I would lose much weight. I just have to accept that that is the hand i was delt and I have to deal with it. So, for the past few days I have been doing great. Once you go about a week with very low carbs the cravings usually stop. Although last night I was a bad, bad girl and ate a bag of Reese's Pieces at the move theater. But, other than that i have been doing great! I'm at 231 on the scale this morning. I was 208 when I got pregnant with Scarlett and only 192 when I got pregnant with Serenity. So I have 23 lbs until I get where I was getting pregnant with Scarlett and at that time I was starting to look better and feel better about myself. When Serenity was a year old I got down to about 185 and I was in a 12- 14 and was looking pretty good and feeling great..so those are my short term goals. I would really love to get down to about 150. That would be my ultimate goal but I dont know if I will ever see that. I have a large frame so I just dont know if I'm built to be that small. I am wondering if I would like sickly at that weight. I have a big behind..and my butt is probably one asset (no pun intended) that will always be my biggest feature. So, those are my thoughts today. I hope everyone is having a great day today :)

1 Month Bandiversary ;)

Its been one month since I had my surgery. Over this month I think I have learned alot. My weight today is 233.5 which it was 230.2 the day of surgery, 239 two weeks post op. So I have gained and lost but for the month I am still up about 3 lbs since surgery. But thats ok, considering everything I have eaten! (See previous post!) I go for my first fill today and I FINALLY get to go grocery shopping tomorrow since its payday Friday! I have been looking up some great low carb recipes and I'm looking forward to trying them out! The best thing about low carb is I can eat cheese. If I couldn't eat cheese I would probably die lol. <See, that's my food addiction coming out again. I have to realize that I need food to live, i dont need to live to eat food. This is going to be a battle, I can already tell. BUT, I have a cruise at the end of July for mine and my husbands 3rd Anniversary and I am DETERMINED to be able to wear an actual bathing suit! It doesn't necessarily have to be a two piece but I'm not going to be swimming in shorts and a t-shirt like I did this summer! That was ridiculous. Because I was too fat to be caught dead in a bathing suit! I started this journey at 251 lbs so, down almost 20 lbs. I'm looking forward to being down another 20! lol  I go for my first fill today. I woke up at about 6am and had a total of 4 soft scrambled eggs. Now I'm just drinking water until 12:30. My fill is at 2:30pm and I was told not to eat 4 hours before and not to drink 2 hours before my fill. Tonight I think I will be having Broccoli and Cheese soup. My husband is on night shift so at least I dont have to cook for him! I'll update tomorrow with how the fill went! :)

First Fill Coming Up..

Its been a few days since I've been on here. This mornings weight was 235. In two days it will be a month since I've had my band and on that day I will get my first fill! I'm really excited about that! I have almost felt like I haven't even had the surgery because I can pretty much eat whatever I want and a larger portion than what I feel like I should be able to eat after having WLS. I'm struggling with food addiction. Don't laugh, its a real thing. I want to eat even if I'm not hungry, and that is insane. But eating has been just a way of life for me for 25 years. It's going to take a while to correct it. But at least I've identified that I am addicted to food, now I just have to work on it. I've ate all kinds of crazy stuff over the past month that, if I didn't I would have lost more weight lol. I've had Oreos, cake, cookies, brownies, bread, pasta, potatoes, cornbread stuffing and the list goes on. That's partially why I haven't been blogging. I've been too ashamed to admit what I've been doing. :( Almost two weeks ago when I went for my two week check up at my surgeons office my weight was 239! Thats 9lbs gained in two weeks. I think it was probably mostly water weight since I started back on regular foods. But man, talk about the feeling of a kick in the gut! That was very discouraging. Today was the first time I stepped on a scale since then. I have been avoiding it. I've been nervous about what the number would be since I haven't been eating the best. But I got on it this morning and was at  235 so I've lost 4 lbs since that appointment. Hopefully, I will still show a loss when I go to the dr on thursday (two days from now). I'm really hoping that a fill will help me curb my hunger. I have also been doing other things to keep my self occupied. My husband got me a new camera for Christmas and so I have been doing Photo Shoots and editing pictures. I have always loved photography, I've just never had a decent enough camera to do anything with. Now I do, and I would LOVE to make a career out of it! I guess we will see! I just want to stress to anyone who is in the same situation I am in now. Don't give up! I'm not going to. This is not a race to the finish line, this is a life changing thing that will take the rest of your life.  :)

~Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.
-Denis Waitley

Ugh. I knew it was water weight lol

On the scale this morning I was 237 :( I know I shouldn't look at the scale every day but I can't help it. It just calls to me! I knew I would probably gain some weight back before my first fill because most of that weight lost on the two week pre- op was just water weight. I've been having a hard time getting all my water down so i really need to focus on that. On a good note, I went yesterday to Sears and bought my whole family a new shirt/ dress to wear for family pictures on Saturday :) Our colors are Gold/Creme and Burgandy. I think they will look great! I need to go to the store and get some props and Christmas decorations. I'm so glad this is only a 3 day work week. It seems like I'm still trying to recover from surgery. I know its only been 7 days and I think I'm feeling pretty good to only be 7 days out but I'm still just tired. My tummy is bruised alot. I have one big bruise around one of the really small incisions so I think that is where my port is but I'm not sure? I can't really tell! Well, that's it for today! :) Happy Tuesday everyone!

First Day Back to work 6 Days Post Op

Today is 6 days post op. I'm at 234.5 which is about 3-4lbs more that I weight at the hospital the morning of surgery. On that scale I was 230.7. I'm pretty sure my stomach is still swollen and I'm a little bit dehydrated. So I'm sure I'll lose those few lbs again. I have been able to eat a little bit which is nice. Just as long as I chew thoroughly and take tiny bits I seems to tolerate things pretty good. I still have huge bruises on the insides of my arms where the nurse blew out 2 of my veins trying to get the IV in. A male nurse finally got it in my hand. My stomach is bruised pretty bad and I'm still tired but that's about it. Today is my first day back at work. Thank God its only a 3 day work week because of Thanksgiving! We took Serenity to see Disney on Ice on Saturday. That wore me out! The anesthesia is  still making me tired. Both girls spent the night with Lisa while I was recovering. That was 4 nights. We got Scarlett back two nights ago, luckily she seems to be sleeping pretty good. She woke up only once last night and I just cuddled her a little bit and she went back to sleep. I put her to sleep on her stomach and she stayed asleep the rest of the night. She sleeps better on her stomach. I ate a "Original Scrambler" this morning (well half of it) for breakfast. I haven't been to Krystals in so long that I didn't even KNOW they have a "Low Carb" Scrambler! I think I know what I'll be eating in the morning times now! Yummy! And It was only $2 and something... I ordered a chili from Wendys the other night and could only eat half of a small one. I'm still full from eating that half of a scrambler this morning. Head hunger is the worst. I just think "I haven't ate in a little while, my body wants food". But thats the thing! It WANTS food...it doesn't NEED food. I think that battle with Head Hunger is going to be a long one! Well I have a lot of work to get caught up on since being out. I'll update again tomorrow!

Day 1 Post- Op

I am offically banded. November 16th is now my second birthday lol. I was taken back to the OR around 4pm and was in my own room by about 6:30pm. It really hasn't been too bad. Last night they woke me up every hour to take my vitals. My blood pressure was really low. It was 84/44 at one point but that was probably because I had been asleep. When I left the hospital it was 106/64 so thats a little bit better. I guess it wasn't anything too bad because they let me go home. I'm a little sore. They put my port right above my belly button so I am able to sleep on my side thank GOD. I got home around 11 and slept until about 3:30 today. Its almost 6pm now and I will probably go back to sleep soon. I got up and walked around the neighborhood a little bit and took some gas x because I started feeling the gas in my left shoulder. I have 4 tiny incisions and 1 bigger one about 1.5 to 2 inches long. No stitches, just that glue stuff. My dr said I need to stay on the liquid diet for 2 more weeks but I had a TINY little piece of scrambled egg a few minutes ago and OMG it was SO good lol. Anyways, I'm alive and on my way to a healthier life now. :)

17 lbs lost in 2 weeks..WTH?

Ok, WTH! I have lost 17 lbs in two weeks. My surgery is tomorrow and when I started my pre-op I was 251.5 and this morning I was 234.5. Is my scale broken? 17 lbs...is that even possible? I guess I have been holding on to massive amounts of water weight? I guess I will just be happy with it. I know its because I haven't hardly eaten in two weeks but still lol. I'm still waiting to see what time my surgery is tomorrow. They should call me around 4-6 tonight with my time to be at the hospital. I made my husband a cake last night and I didn't lick any batter or taste anything icing lol. I did it because he has been so supportive about me getting this surgery. I haven't cooked anything for him in two weeks lol he has been living on oatmeal. BUT, if I would have cooked I would have ate. And I didn't want to put myself through that torture. Now that I'm almost at the light at the end of the tunnel, it wasn't that bad making the cake for him. Well, I will update tomorrow night after I get out of surgery. I have to stay the night in the hospital. Wish me luck!

Day 11 Pre-Op

This morning I am at 238.5lbs. Yesterday I went to my surgeons office for my Pre-Op visit. Everything looked good on my labs, I have a little reflux which he said will go away with weight loss. I asked him what size band he is going to put in and he told me a ASP 10cc band. Which is what I figured he would put in, that seems pretty standard. He asked me if I had any other questions and I said No, not really. I told him I am a member of a couple of online forums and he said "Well, dont believe everything you hear on there." Which I already know lol and I told him about one girl saying that we couldn't ride roller coasters because our band would slip. lol He said that was ridiculous. Which is what everyone else on the forum said too ;) Today is Friday and I'm having my band surgery on Tuesday. So only 4 days left. I'm getting really excited. I've lost 13 lbs on the pre-op diet alone. I have cheated a little bit. I've had a couple slices of turkey, a can of tuna fish on occasion, 1 hamburger (no bun) and yesterday I had a cup of chili and 1/2 BLT Cobb salad from Wendy's. But nothing with carbs. But for the last four days I'm sticking strictly to the diet. Just Protein shakes, water, jello, and Popsicles for me. Well, I need to get started at work. Have a great day :)

Getting Ready for the Christmas Bazaar!

Today is day 9 pre- op. I'm doing a little bit better today as far as the hunger goes. I ate another can of tuna fish last night and about a hand full of shredded mozzarella cheese. Not too bad right? The scale said the same thing this morning so no loss, no gain. I am hosting a Christmas Bazaar on Dec 4th at my house. I am having a rep from Scentsy, Avon (me), Premier Jewelry, 31 Gifts, Juice Plus and Tupperware and we will also be selling baked goods. Probably like Rice Crispie Treats, Brownies, Fudge, Chocolate Covered Pretzels, Chocolate Chip Cookies, Peanut Butter cookies, Apple Butter bread and Pound Cake. I'm excited. ESPECIALLY since I found out the factory that my husband works out will shut down the whole week of Thanksgiving. Talk about a punch to the Christmas Money budget! So, I'm hoping we make some money with the Bazaar! And, If you like Avon, the link to my website is on the side of my blog :)

My back is hurting a little bit today. Scarlett has been wanting to snuggle the past few nights and not sleep in her own bed lol. So last night, David was working night shift and I was really struggling to stay away so I just put her in bed with me. I have really tried not to put her in our bed but I just couldn't help it last night I was soo tired. David works again tonight so we will see how tonight goes! Have a good day all!

Day 8 on Pre-Op Diet Down 12 lbs!

As of today my weight is 239.5. It's sad that I'm excited about this. I remember when I thought I was fat at 175 lbs. Oh, what I would give to be there now. Hopefully I will be there soon. The hunger isn't too bad now. I did eat a can of Chunk Tuna Light in Water last night. I KNOW that wont hurt my pre-op diet. It's pure protein and almost zero carbs. Thats the first time I ever ate Tuna Fish out of the can and not mixed with mayo and other stuff. It wasn't too bad. My dr's office called me this morning to tell me my pre-op blood work came back and everything was find except for my vitamin D levels. She said I need to start taking 2000iu of Vitamin D every day for 6 weeks. When I got my labs done from my PCP last month my vitamin B-12 was also down but my PCP gave me a shot of B-12 while I was there so thats probably while it was showing ok on these labs.

My surgery is exactly 1 week away. I'm getting excited! I told a friend of mine about the surgery yesterday and she is about 215lbs and is all about "loving your body" and not dieting and stuff. She actually said to me that being over weight does not make you unhealthy. That if you exercise and lead an active lifestyle you will be healthy no matter what. BAHAHAHAHA...I actually laughed out loud. I dont know WHO told her that BS! BUT I promise you when I lose the weight my blood pressure will go down, I won't be Pre-Diabetic anymore, my sleep apnea will improve if not resolve itself all together and I wont have such bad back pain! I told her thank you for the support and left it at that. She asked me to reconsider. I told her I've done a ton of research on this and I feel like its safe and effective. She also said that 96% of the people that have this surgery regain their weight. I KNOW that's wrong lol. I know SOME people do but that's because they aren't using the tool. I know you have to work the band to make it work for you, but some people purposley eat around the band and those are the people that make the band look bad! I guess ignorance really is bliss to some people!

On another note! I am hosting a Christmas Bizarre at my house on December 4th! I'm really excited about it! We are going to have reps from Scentsy, Avon (of course since I sell it!), Premier Jewelry, Juice Plus, 31 Gifts and Tupperware! I made up the flier for it this morning and it should be great! Since I'm hosting it I hopefully will get some GREAT hostin gifts ;) I can hope right?

Well I think that's all for today. I also have to say that I'm in a much better mood today because I finally got a little bit of sleep last night. David is going on night shift tonight so he stayed up last night and took care of the baby for me so I could get some sleep. It's amazing how one night of "better" sleep can make you feel so much better!! Have a great day all!

Day 7 of Pre-Op Half way there!

Today is my 7th day on the Pre-Op diet. On day 5 I had a hamburger (just the burger, no bread or anything). My step dad was cooking out and had us over for dinner. He is a fantastic cook on the grill and those burgers were calling my name! I'm at 240.5 now. Down 10.5 lbs in one week! I can't hardly believe that! I got into a pair of jeans that were just too tight on me last week lol. Anyways, I signed up to sell Avon on Friday. I'm going to add a link here on my blog if anyone wants to buy something! :) I have also started couponing (I need to save some money, can you tell?) and on Friday night I went to Kroger and spent $12.00 on about $85 worth of groceries! Even my husband was surprised and bragging on me :)

Scarlett turned 7 months old yesterday. I can't hardly believe it. She is such a sweetie. I didn't see Serenity all weekend. She stayed with Lisa (her Gee) all weekend. They had stuff to do at church and Serenity loves church so she just stayed with her. She also had a birthday party to go to on friday. Well, I'll update again tomorrow.

Day 4 on Pre-Op Is Jello Pudding the same as Jello?

So last night I had a Sugar Free Jello Pudding. My pre-op paper didn't specify on this. They just said I could have Sugar Free Jello. I'm going to call and ask about this today. Today my weight is 244. Down 7lbs since I started the Pre-op 4 days ago. I know its water weight but its still nice :)

My poor husband is going to try to get a tooth pulled today. He has a couple of broken teeth and this one flares up every once in a while and usually with antibiotics he will be fine in a few days. But I'm tired of seeing him in pain and the side of his face swollen so I told him he needs to go through with having it pulled this time! So, he is on his way to the dentist now and I hope they can do something for him. The amount of money we have spent on Orajel this past year is ridiculous ;)

He went to McDonalds this morning and one of the girls that works there lets Davids brother Ethan, his girlfriend Kala and their son Bryson live with them. Now, my problem with them goes back about 1 1/2 years. When I first met David, I had just moved into my mom's old single wide trailer. I was trying to get my daughter and I our own place and thats all I could afford on my own. So after we got married and we both have decent jobs we decided to move. I owned that trailer when we moved and Ethan and Kala had just had Bryson. They were young and living with Davids mom at the time in a two bedroom trailer. SO, I thought it would be nice to help out family and let them have the trailer. We were selling it to them at $200 (!!) a month for 2 years and it would be paid off. So a total of $4,800.00 Not a bad deal right? Well, Ethan wouldn't let Kala work or she was just to lazy not sure which one, so he was the only one working. So they couldn't even afford the $200.00 a month payment. Davids MOM paid almost all of their bills! So we went over there one day and the place was trashed. Clothes, food, trash was all OVER the place. It was seriously GROSS! The hadn't cut the grass in forever. David had it out with Ethan and told them they looked like trash and they needed to get it cleaned up! So about a month later, we went by there again. Same crap. So David called Ethan and apparently the septic tank had backed up and they haven't been living there for almost a month! I dont understand why they didn't say something. We would have helped them out! So a BIG dramafest incurred. Which in that time I was called fat several times (low blow right?) and was even told that they didn't think Scarlett was Davids (um..hello have you seen my child? She looks just LIKE her dad!) and all this stupid high school drama. SO we cut off communication with them! Last weekend was Bryson's 2nd Birthday party and I refused to go. I seriously would probably punch that girl in her face if I saw her and I have two precious girls that need me so I'm not going to put my self in that situation. So when David was at McDonalds this morning the girl that they live with had apparently been running her mouth to people she works with because they told David that she was saving how "sorry" we were for not even coming to the kids birthday party and we wouldn't fix the septic tank for them and blah blah blah. For 1 thing: They were BUYING that house. They were responsible to fix any problems. Then they abandoned the place leaving us with a pile of junk to clean up before we could sell it. 2nd thing: They never say thank you for anything. We bought them a whole bunch of stuff when they were pregnant because they didn't have any money and nothing for the baby! Think we got a thank you? NO! Same thing at the past few Christmas's and Bryson's 1st birthday and when we took Ethan out to eat one time. No thank you's ever! That's just RUDE! 3rd thing: I REALLY dont think you want me to take you out on your kids birthday! ha ha. SO, being the responsible person that I am, I will just avoid being in the same place at the same time as them. If I do happen to run into them I'm sure I will keep my cool really but lets not temp it lol. So that whole thing has really irked me. And saying that we are "Sorry People" HA! We both work, we have our own house, pay our OWN bills, feed and cloth our OWN KIDS! They dont do anything but live off of other people and get high and run their mouths all the time. Its sick!

*Sorry for the rant today, I was just pissed off. Now, back to the lap band :)

It seems everyone has a story to share. When ever I tell someone I'm getting Lap Band done they are like "Yeah, I know someone who knows someone who got that done!" and continue to tell me the pros and cons of it like I haven't done any research at all lol. I'm the type of person that will research something until I'm blue in the face with it!

So, day 4 and I'm getting a little irritable (can you tell?). But all in all, I'm doing ok I think. I'll let you know tomorrow :)

1st Post- Day 3 of Pre-Op Liquid Diet

 I thought that it would be a good idea to write a blog about my experience with the Lap Band. So that I can reflect on my journey, share with friends, family, my kids. Although my kids are only 4 and almost 7 months, one day I would like for them to realize how hard I worked at being around for them longer.


First, my kids are Serenity and Scarlett. Serenity is 4 and Scarlett is almost 7 months old. They are the most important things in my life. I realize at the weight I am today that my health could take the toll. I can't stand the thought of being here any shorter a length of time than I should be, just because of my weight.

Second, my husband is David. We have been married 2 years and  3 months now. He has been my saving grace on more than one occasion. I was in about an 18/20 when we first met. Serenity was about 16 months old and I was still married to her father at the time. That was just a bad situation all around. I started dating David in August of 2007. Serenity's dad Joshua, and I had been separated since November 2006. But, I guess he thought I would wait on him forever to grow up and didn't expect me to move on. Well to make a long story short, Joshua ended up going to jail in Oct 2007-Nov 2009. During that time, I filed for divorce and our divorce was final March 14, 2008. David and I got married July 31, 2008. With all the stress going on, I gained weight and on our wedding day I weighed in at 251. So, David married me at a high weight so at least I feel like I can only get better for him ;)

In August of 2009, we found out we were pregnant with Scarlett. Prior to this we tried to get pregnant for about a year. I found out during this time that I have PCOS and that makes it really hard to lose weight and really hard to get pregnant. BUT if you can loose the weight the chances of getting pregnant is much better. So we stopped trying for a while so I could loose some weight. I lost about 40 lbs and the day I found out I was pregnant I was at 208. The day I delivered I was 264! :(

I started looking into Lap Band surgery in August 2010. I called my surgeons office to find out what I needed to do to start the process. I was told I had to go to a seminar before I can even have a consultation with the surgeon. I asked if there was anything else I could do in the mean time to get the process going and she told me that the surgeon requires me to do two support groups and I could go ahead and do those. They are only held a few times per month so I wanted to get that done right away. Since Scarlett was born in April, my out of pocket max and deductible had already been met for the year and if I could get this surgery done before Dec. 31st then I wouldn't have to pay anything out of pocket except for the co-pays and program fee.

I went to my first support group on August 21, 2010. It was about plastic surgery. That was pretty scary to see all of these pictures of people that have had the lap band and went on to get plastic surgery. BUT, I had to say, they looked fantastic! They didn't even look like the same person! I finally had my consultation with Dr. Oliver Whipple on Sept 2, 2010. He was great. He was very considerate and answered all of my questions. After that day I was on my way. I had completed a series of things. A psych evaluations, a sleep study, an upper GI, lab work, another support group ect. When my paperwork was submitted to United Health Care I called them EVERYDAY! It took them 5 days to give me my approval number. I immediately called my surgery scheduler and gave her my approval number. She called UHC while I was still on the phone to verify it and gave me my surgery date of November 16, 2010.  Today is Nov. 3rd. I am on day 3 of my pre-op liquid diet.

Now, most pre-op diets aren't the same. Mine is protein shakes, broth, sugar free jello, sugar free Popsicles. Day one I cheated and had 3 pieces of turkey bologna. I dont think that was too bad but I felt guilty for eating it. Day two I did great. Didn't cheat at all. I had headaches all day though. Today, Day 3 and I'm doing good. It is 11:40am and I have had two of my protein shakes so far. I am about to go to lunch at 1 and I have a jello and a beef broth packet ready. Tonight I will have a popsicle or two and probably some more broth. I still have time in there some where for one or two more protein shakes.

On day 1, I weight in at 251.4 (that day I did labs so that is the weight from their scale. My house scale said 251) I feel like I'm right back where I started from on our wedding day. I took my measurements that morning and did some pictures so I have a good "before" picture. On day 2, I weighed 248. I couldn't believe I lost like 3 pounds in one day! (I know its water weight!) Today on Day 3, I weighed 246. So I have lost 5.4 lbs in just three days! Whoo Hoo! Even though I know its just water weight it definitely helps with motivation.

My mom has been sending me these great little texts every few hours. "You can do it" "I'm so proud of you"...I bet she has NO idea how much that is helping! But I did tell her to keep sending them to me ;) I'm a member of www.lapbandtalk.com and reading posts on there help me too. I also put a reminder in my calendar at work that says "Remember, it will all be worth it when you wake up after surgery BANDED, because you followed the diet". All these little motivators are really helping me. I like to look at the before and after pictures too. There are some women that start out way bigger than me and yet they get down to 130-150! I would LOVE to be at 150! The lowest I can remember being in high school was around 165-170. And I thought I was fat then! lol.

Anyways, I thought it would be cool to have this just basically to reflect on how much I have gone through to get my life back. As the saying goes:

Being Fat is Hard
Losing weight is Hard
Maintaining weight is Hard
Pick your hard!

 I think that's just awesome.