It is very possible to fall off the wagon..Even with the Lap Band.

Luckily, when your ready to pick yourself up, you already have the tool to get you going again!

I went back to see my lapband dr today after A YEAR of not going. What was I thinking? Why did I put this off for a year? I don't know. I got lazy. I got comfortable with the weight I was at because it was lower then I'd been in a really, really long time. But what I've realized lately is that it still is not where I want to be. I still don't feel TOTALLY comfortable. I still have flab. I'm still in a 14. I'm still making un-healthy food choices. It's not ALL about looks. It's about being HEALTHY. My oldest daughter is 7 years old and 96lbs!! This is not good. If we don't nip this in the bud now she will struggle with weight her whole life, just like I did. And I DON'T want that for her. Not at all. So the day before yesterday my husband, daughter and I all weighed in. I weighed in at 179, my hubby weighed in at 173 and Serenity at 96 lbs. We have started eating better. So I figured it was time to go back to see my lap band dr. I weighed in at 177 today. With my fat mass being 65.5 lbs. I'm 37% fat with a BMI of 31.4. Not cool. The desirable range is a fat % of 21-33 and fat mass of 29.5-55.0. I've got to step it up. If not for me, for my daughters. Jody, my RN gave me some great tips. I downloaded my fitness pal onto my iphone to track what I'm eating. She wants me at 1000 calories per day, no more than 50 carbs per day. She didn't give me an adjustment because I was honest with her about how I have been eating and have kind of fell off the wagon. She told me to track my food for two weeks and then come back. So I have an appointment with her on the 29th.I have a feeling that if I'm eating right my weight will go down and she wont give me a fill. But that's ok. I just needed the kick in the pants. Motivation to get me started again. I had David go and get me some protein shakes today, a poster board (to track our progress where we can all see for accountability) and I also downloaded mydietcoach on my iphone which allows me to set reminders for myself. I set reminders for every 2 hours to drink water and at all different times of the days with things like "you have a wedding coming up!" (David and I are going to renew our vows at our 10 year anniversary in July 2018) "You have a cruise coming up!" (My 30th bday cruise in March 2015) "Your going to see your dad in December" (My sister is graduating college) "Make good choices for Serenity" <~ This is my biggest motivation right now. My 7 year old needs me to make good choices for her! For a year I have ate whatever I want. I'm still down 7 lbs for the year because I can't eat a whole tub of ice cream at once lol but I'm NOT where I want to be. One new years eve I made the resolution that I would be at 155 by the end of the year. This is one that I REALLY want to make!! Like I said, It's very possible to fall off the wagon with the lap band. But you have the tool already inside you. You just have to put it to work.

It's almost been a year?!

It's almost been a year since my last blog?! How did that even happen? I update my ticker but I don't blog.. I'm such a slacker ;)

Well, today my weight is 173.5! To me, this is both amazing a little sucky at the same time. lol I have a few reasons for feeling like this. I had my surgery 1.5 years ago. I have lost 80.5 lbs. That is an average of 4.45 lbs per month. Which is a SAFE weight loss! I want to lose approx. 20-30 more lbs and thats probably about it. I have a wide frame and I think ANY less that 145-150 and I will look......sick. haha. I just wish that I would ALREADY be at my goal but I knew going in that lap band patients take 2-3 years to get the results that gastric bypass patients get in 1 year. But I also have 2 friends that have had gastric bypass now and they are at or below their goal and I'm just slowllllllyyyy losing. lol. 

A lot has changed this year. Serenity has been promoted to 1st grade! She starts back to school in August. Her transfer request to Marlow has also been accepted so that makes me SO happy! Scarlett is 2 and is growing like a weed! She is so smart and sometimes her intelligence just amazes me! Serenity is turning into a young lady right before my eyes. She is starting to request "privacy time" so she can just relax in her bedroom by herself and watch a movie. She is outgoing and so sweet. She will hug just about anyone (which is a little scary sometimes- we're working on it lol). Scarlett knows what she wants and she goes after it. She literally "ordered" lunch from me the other day. She had gotten dirty so I was giving her a pre-lunch bath and she said "I wanna eat." So I asked her what she wanted to eat and she said "I want turkey, and bread, and chips and sweet tea!" lol! So I said "You want a turkey sandwich, chips and sweet tea to drink?" She said "Yeah baby!" lol!! Cracked me up!! She talks a lot more at this age than Serenity did so it's almost like I'm hearing the mind of a two year old for the first time. Serenity is getting a little older so it's nice to spend one on one time with her sometimes. She can understand more grown up things and enjoys our "alone" days. Scarlett is potty training too! She is doing SO good!! I just need to cut out the drinks at bedtime so she can potty train at night time!

I know I just rambled on about my girls, going back and forth about each of them but they are my life. Besides David of course! lol. On July 31'st we will have been married 4 years! I can't believe it sometimes. Our relationship has grown a lot in the past year. We have both grown in our faith in God a lot too so thats a pretty amazing thing!Well, I'm gonna close now. I have to go back to work. Hopefully it wont be another year before I update again! :)

Is my self consciousness causing my daughter to be self conscious ?

Last Saturday David and I took the girls to Monkey Joe's. It's an indoor playground that they both love. Serenity loves to play with other children. On this occasion there was a little girl there that was a little snooty and was ignoring Serenity and she wouldn't play with her. I could tell this really was hurting Serenity's feelings so I pulled her aside to talk to her. I told her that sometimes there will be children that won't play with her. But that shouldn't make her feel bad because that isn't the type of child she should want to be friends with. She then said the sentence that shook me. She said, "But I want to BE like her." I sat there stunned in silence for a minute and then I hugged her and told her that God made her absolutely perfect and that she should NEVER want to be like anyone else in this world. I told her how beautiful she is and how special she is hoping and praying that it will get through to her. But on Wednesday night at church I was telling her Gee about this and she said, "You know, that's funny. She said the same thing to me a few days ago." So that right there told me that just telling her how beautiful she is and hugging her did not do the trick. Lisa (her Gee) of course told her the SAME exact thing I did. That God made her perfect, that she is beautiful and she should never want to be like anyone else. But after I left church it really got me thinking that if it didn't get through to her the first time I said it to her, it probably didn't work when Gee said it either. Lisa also said something to me at church on Wednesday night about how she is watching us when we look at ourselves in the mirror. How we change clothes 10 times because we don't think we look good in anything. So I have been making a more conscious decision to watch how I act around my girls. I show "Self Love" more often and not say "Oh I'm not gonna eat that, I'll gain 5 lbs!". I know with having the Lap Band that I really have to watch what I eat and everything but I CAN control how much I talk about it in front of my children. Serenity is being home schooled. Partly because it is a Christian based  program and most of the kids in our church do homeschooling and are apart of this program. But mostly because I want to protect her from the cruelness of other children as long as I can. At the age of 5, she is really impressionable. She can get her feelings hurt and other kids can make lasting marks on how my child will forever view herself and the world. I don't want her having bad self esteem because a cruel little boy in kindergarten teased her. So for now, I will shelter her with love and support and with God. And I will also work on changing my image in my head. Loving myself more. Because if she sees everything else, she will see when I start loving myself.

Big Update

As I read over my previous posts, I realized that there are a lot of things that I needed to update about.  For one thing, I no longer sell Avon or Lia Sophia jewelry. Although making a few more dollars here and there was nice, it was really putting a lot into my schedule and stress in to my mind that I really just didn't have time for. But I have replaced the "time" part with being more active in my church and my relationship with God. The 2nd thing is that I never got to book our cruise :( David and I's 3rd Anniversary is July 31st and as of right now we have NO plans at all and really no money to plan anything. Its sad but oh well. And I just looked at the calendar and he is schedule to work that day anyways so we probably wont be doing anything special. Possibly dinner when he gets off work. 3rd thing: I started drinking coffee again. Which I will stop again now seeing as coffee was one reason why i would gain a couple lbs whenever I drink it. lol. I can't help but to put about 5 hazelnut creamers in my coffee and 6 packets of splenda or I seriously can not drink it. It has to be sweet and flavorful. So, wish me luck with that because that is really one thing I look forward to everyday lol. 4th:  My girls have grown. They have grown and things have changed since this blog started. Serenity is now 5 and going on 15. She is beautiful and smart and funny and I am so blessed to have her in my life. She has no idea how much of a blessing she is in her own perfect way. She is starting to get a little bit of a smart mouth (what 5 year old girl doesn't?) but she is also starting to get that self consciousness about herself and that breaks my heart. But that is a whole other post that I am pre-parring to write about tomorrow. Scarlett on the other hand is ALMOST 15 months old now. She is walking and starting to talk now :) She says Mama like its going out of style! I told her the other day that I am going to change my name! haha She is such a cuddle baby. This morning when I dropped them off with Gee before I headed to work I had Serenity on my lap and Scarlett beside me on the couch and Serenity asked me "do you have too much girls on you?" I said "NO WAY! Are you kiddin me?! I can never have enough of my girls on me!" lol It's little moments like that that steal my heart and dig its way into my memory forever. Scarlett is also a daddy's girl and LOVES to be outside. She takes my car keys and try's to put them in the door to make it open. She is a mess. She is also sleeping much better now. She usually goes to bed between 6:30-7:30 and sleeps all the way through to around 5:30-6:30..some luck days she will sleep until 7 or even 7:30!  She is also a blessing. She made this family complete. She changed our lives all for the better. Scarlett and Serenity's beautiful sisterly bond puts tears in my eyes sometimes and I can already hear them in my thoughts 10-20 years down the road. First yelling at each other and then playing together and sharing secrets. I think the best thing that I could have EVER given my girls, is each other. Oh and last but not least- I didn't get a new car :( We went to go look at a 2011 Toyota Corolla S right around the time that I blogged about looking at a new car. We could have gotten it but the payments they wanted were $589 a month! They were crazy and we high tailed it outta there! We haven't really looked at getting another car since then. It will probably be coming soon though. My car is starting to give me a little bit of trouble. We just had to replace the thermostat and now a belt is squealing. Anyways, I just wanted to update on a few things that were never followed up on. I plan to blog more often to keep myself accountable to my band. :) I also have 4.5 CC's in my band now. My next appointment is 7/7. I will post another blog tomorrow, until then have a nice day!

Ignoring the problem leads to weight gain..

I'm wondering just how much of this I could have done with out the lap band. It seems that I can still eat what ever I want and I can still *gain* weight with this lap band. I should know for almost 2 months now I've been at almost the exact same weight. I have gained and lost the same 8 pounds TWICE! This morning I was at 206 lbs. I was at 206.5 two months ago. But last month I was hitting 212. It all comes down to what I put in my mouth. If I start eating sugar, bread, pasta--i gain weight. If i start eating low carb again, I lose it. So I'm wondering if I just did the low carb without the band if my results would be just about the same. Did I go through surgery and have this band implanted in me for NO reason? I sure hope not! But...I'm done figuring it out. I am going to stay on my low carb "lifestyle" to get to where I want to get. I know that when I get to my goal I can start adding a little bit of carbs back in but for the most part my life is going to be low carb and I just have to accept that. It sucks but thats how *my* body was made.

I am reading a book called "Faking It". It's not what your thinking. But the book does promote and really great message of loving yourself. Loving your body and actually finding yourself attractive and beautiful. I would suggest every woman who has ever had the thought "I really hate my..." should read this book.

I need to start being more acccountable for my weight loss and for what I eat. Today I have eat a small pack of turkey meat and a cup of coffee so far. This is day 3 of getting "back on the wagon". I have a blue berry Yoplait Light yogart sitting in front of me for a snack pretty soon. I have some slim jims and I have a ceaser salad waiting on me for lunch. Last night I had broiled pork chops and green beans for dinner and a *sugar free* Popsicle for desert. I think those are going to be my saving grace when it comes to needing something sweet! I wish they made sugar free ice cream lol! Oh well, now that I'm forcing my self to be accountable for my weight loss instead of ignoring the problems, maybe some more weight will come off!!

Finally..

Well after everyone having birthdays in my house within one month's time and me eating what ever I want I have finally started to lose again. The lap band is definitely NOT a fix all! It can't tell you not to eat something! I have ate cake and Reeses and Ice Cream, etc. etc. etc... When I went for my 5 month check in I actually gained 1.5 lbs. I know, I know, its 1.5 lbs. It's not 10 but It might as well be! My dr told me that what has happened is with eating all those carbs, the carb cravings had came back. And that couldn't be more right. So, I was told I was to eat zero carbs for 4 days. That included fruits. No fruits, no breads etc. But, I did it and I lost 4 lbs in those 4 days. I just started my weight loss again. I have been doing great and that has been 1 week ago. I weighed in this morning at 206.5 and I'm on my period so thats including the bloat lol. I will be so happy when I can get down to 50 lbs lost! My 18's are starting to get a little big on me now. I think this weekend I might go to Ross's and try to find a dress to wear to Easter which is this weekend. Well, I just wanted to update since I hadn't in over a month. I've been hiding I think since I've been doing bad with my weight loss. I'll have to go bathing suit shopping sometime soon too.. ;( I'm a little scared of that! lol Wish me luck!

Slow going..

I haven't posted in almost a month. I have been soo busy and my weight loss has been slow going. I am at 216 this morning. I was really hoping to be at 208 by April 7th but I'm not sure if it will happen or not.. April 7th is Scarlett's 1st birthday and I was at 208 when I found out I was pregnant with her so I would like to be at "pre-pregnancy" weight at least by 1 year. It's just a little hard lol. David and I got our YMCA membership back so I have been going at least 2 times a week. 3 if I can manage it. I also signed up to sell Lia Sophia Jewelry! Which is awesome! I am absolutely loving it! So if you are interested in learning more about it, email me! :) Serenity will be 5 on March 28th..where has the time gone? She is getting so smart and has also started having those melodramatic break downs that I thought only started in the teen years. Apparently, I was wrong! lol Some of her lastests include but isn't limited to: You don't understand me, I dont want to talk about it, You treat me like a 2 year old! (She's 4!) and a few others.. oh, I'm in for it with her. I can already tell! But, she is soo funny. Some of the things she says just cracks me up. The other day she said "You wanna here what my belly says?" and she puts my head to her belly and in a deep voice says "I want a cookie" LMBO I about died. LOL!! Then on Sunday we took her to Monkey Joes (an indoor playground) and when we leave she said "Can we come back tomorrow?" And I said, No, I have to go to work tomorrow. The she said "How about Tuesday?" ?!?! She knows days of the weeks now?? When did that happen? Or was it just a coincidence that she was right? lol I guess Ill never know! My kids are just awesome. They are what keeps me going, besides my hubby of course. LOL. If when I die, my kids no nothing else. I hope that they know exactly how much their mother loved them and wanted nothing but the best lives for them. Well, my post wasnt exactly about being a "bandster" today. But My progress is going...just going slowly lol. I'm thinking of doing my 2 week pre-op sometime. To jump start my weight loss. We'll see how it goes! :)